Imagine that you are reading a book. It is a a great read, a murder mystery. You are near the end of the book and it is nearly evening. You know that the murderer will be revealed somewhere towards the last page.  A friend walks by:

“The butler did it,” he casually remarks.

You throw the book down in disgust and shout angrily at your friend.

“You’ve spoilt the book for me by revealing the murderer.” You storm off.

Later, I ask you if you are happy and you reply no.

Here’s another version of the story: Read more

Time is a funny thing. On the one hand it appears fixed. A minute on my watch equals a minute on your watch.

 

On the other hand the way you perceive time varies.

 

Time appears to runs slow when you:

 

• Are watching water boil
• Are waiting for a bus when you are running late
• Are watching the second finger of a watch rotate.

 

Time appears to run fast when you are:

 

• Watching a great movie
• Playing action video games
• Falling in love

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Do dolphins need self development?

This week I am in Florida. I met a dolphin called Rascal who let me swim with him. I also fed him some fish which he enjoyed. He seemed very happy with his life and probably needs no self development tips from me!

Dolphins lead a simple and natural life untroubled by:

• The recession
• Finding a job
• Paying the mortgage
• Taking up a health program

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Can mindfulness meditation make you happy?

I have a friend that calls herself spiritual who attends an evangelical Christian church every Sunday. She also does lots of voluntary work in a Christian organization that distributes food to homeless people.

Despite her spiritual practice and her good works, she is not happy.   I also have some Buddhist friends who are miserable.

If you consider yourself to be a spiritual person then ask yourself the following questions:

• Does your spirituality make you happy?
• Do you struggle to make sense of life and how you fit into the larger scheme of things?
• Are you content with where you are, or are you reaching for some spiritual or mystical state that always seems just out of reach?
• Have you found your purpose in life?

If you answered no to any of the above questions, then your spirituality could be, instead or a source of comfort, a cause of conflict in you.

All this has got me think about spirituality and how genuine spirituality should, at the minimum, make you happy. Read more

Some self development teachers stress the need for a positive attitude to life.  But maybe mindfulness is a better way.

A friend of mine was walking through the park when he began to have very negative thoughts that told him he was no good and unworthy. He came back from his walk in the park complaining how bad his mind was today.

I told him that his problem was that he took his mind too seriously.

“It’s only thoughts, its only your mind. Don’t take it too seriously,” I said.

He then exploded with anger.

“I have to take it seriously. It is serious. How dare you tell me not to take my mind seriously?”

I decided to leave his company before the situation got too ugly.

I was trying to get my friend to lighten up and get a more positive attitude. To someone in a dark mood just telling them to be more positive and less serious does not work.

So how do you deal with your mind when it is troubling you?

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I used to be someone who was always trying to get somewhere. My life was full of nexts. The next partner, the next job, the next place to live, the next gadget, the next self development course…. My life focused on a series of goals.

My mistaken assumption was that happiness, contentment and a purposeful life will flow from reaching these goals. Often when a goal was reached it disappointed or was an anti-climax. The is an old saying that life is the journey not the destination. The trick is to enjoy the journey. Positive Psychology teaches you to take happiness from the moment to moment experiences.

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